We often move the blame for whatever's happening in our life, and transfer it elsewhere. It's just easier to cope with that way, it is isnt it! As in, when we say, 'it's not my fault, it's yours '. Or, 'you make me so angry'. Or, perhaps the more subtle approach, 'you're impossible....' be that to talk to, to understand, to love, or whatever it is the person, me, or you, is finding difficult about how they are reacting to another person.
It's all to do with owning your own life, your mistakes. After all, we all make mistakes, unless we sit in a box somewhere, and don't interact with anyone. It's taking responsibility for your decisions, and/or your actions. Sometimes, for your lack of either of those two things. I'm not sure it's something that comes naturally to us. Although it might, I suppose, come more naturally to some. If it does, then I have yet to meet that person, or perhaps have failed to recognise that strength in someone else. Do you think that's because I find it so difficult myself? Or, have found it so. It could be, because lord knows I'm not perfect by any means.
Of course, I have seen a person take responsibility for dreadful things. There have been times, when I too, have done so. Watched my life, or parts of my life, disintegrate around me. Primarily, because of something I decided, or I did. When guilt hits, when you know, and you cannot escape the knowledge that it was your actions, or words, that led directly to some disaster, some calamity, now out of your control.
'It is your fault!' , or 'you did this, I warned you!'.
Those dreadful words, thrown at you when your heart is already wounded, when you are already in shock, because of the 'fall out', can strike deeply. The dismay, and anguish you feel at such times, is not easily forgotten. Nor should it be, we need to remember our mistakes. Not forget, when before us, stands the results of our own selfishness, our own blind, or unthinking actions. Not when we see, and feel the pain inflicted on a loved one. Even if not directed at them. We need to remember, so that we can learn from those mistakes. What we should not do, is accept another's assessment of the situation. Not be blind for the second time, accepting all blame, by wallowing in our guilt.
This is why, from the outset, we should take full responsibility for ourselves, and our actions. Don't shift the blame, as someone is perhaps doing to you, when in the midst of that personal disaster. If you say, 'no one makes me angry, I am choosing to be angry.' To react angrily. Yes, only by taking responsibility for your own actions, and emotions can you be you! It is a firm step in the right direction. They may do something annoying, or frustrating, even hurtful to me, but no one else controls my emotions..... only me! If I react to some outside stimuli, some situation, or words, whatever..... by going crazy, becoming violent, screaming, jumping off a cliff, or killing myself even, it is me who made the decision. No one else, only me....or rather, in your case, in your life, you!
Therefore, always accept your part in the situation, the current problem. Realise too, that always other people are making decisions at the same time, even if small ones. 100% of the situation is not yours alone. Yet, by accepting your part, your own responsibilty, you are giving yourself some room to manoeuvre, to change your mind. Because instead of becoming angry, violent, flouncing, whatever, you are taking a breathing space, and thinking of a real answer, a better answer. Perhaps, lord preserve us, the best solution, Instead of just a reaction, that does no one any good. A reaction, which if you are honest, is more than likely, just a habit. This habit, instead, actually acerbates the situation, making it worse, and eventually, more confusing......worse.
We already know it, if we screwed up big time. Or, should be in no doubt, when we do so. Except, not in the case when you are accepting someone else's blame, only your own version. No, begin now, to accept that only you, control your emotions, and your choices. That way, everything has to improve. It must. Except, like life, it's complicated. No general rule is infallible, it can't be. There are always exceptions to the rule. The same with blame, don't accept others assessment of YOU. Be your own man/woman. Except 'man' is the correct term here. Purely because of the connotations these words accumulate, in a sexist way. But let's not get sidetracked here.That's a Blog for another day.
Ok....perhaps it's not the victims fault in the matter of say, genocide, or some other type of physical harm to others. Perhaps in failing to protect someone, or something too small, or innocent to protect itself, for instance. Then the blame is in no way theirs, but these incidents are few.....I feel.
What it come down to, the gist of these thoughts of mine. Is, to be responsible for your own life, your own self. Especially, for your own thoughts, actions, and emotions. Never, ever, say, 'you made me.......' Because it is the largest lie you can ever tell yourself, and the biggest cop out!
Be happy out there...and be responsible.
No comments:
Post a Comment