But...I love you

       That little mantra, changes nothing does it. How many times have we heard that, or heard of it. I know it's circled my life many times, in many ways. Usually it's someone else's excuse for why I should, be doing something I have no intention of doing.

       It's a how can you do that....when..'you know I love you? Kinda habit.  Its emotional blackmail of the worst kind. Why would we want to subscribe to that! Be involved in that.

It's inevitably used by someone who has no right at all to be thinking of you in that way. Someone who wants to bend into the shape they want you to be. Often, the someone who were misguidedly 'nice' to. Because you felt sorry for them, or because you felt you owed them. Perhaps, for liking you, or loving you, or worse, just for hanging around you...

         My advice to you, is, get that person the hell out of your life.

Before they swallow you whole, drive you crazy, both....and more. Believe me, I have seen it happen.

          I have watched someone I love, spend a big portion of their life, trying to please a person, who said they loved them. I don't think, they ever questioned...did they return that love? The emphasis was too firmly, and cleverly kept focused on, how they owed them,"but I love you" with a sad, hurt look, and a wistful what have I done wrong expression. When all the time, they were the one manipulating, using a tender heart to control a person, far too nice for them. They swallowed them, soul, and all.

         Ha! I used to think. Sock them on the jaw, give them something to be really sad about. Don't run around trying to please them, and being sorry for them. Don't keep putting yourself last all the time, because they make you think you are being selfish. They are hard as nails, using you...but, a nice person, will take a lot of crap before they crack. Sadly, it's too often their own head that will crack first. Then they are even more in thrall of the user, of the, but I love you...

          So, my friends, if someone uses that line on you, but I love you. Be tough, say firmly, sorry, that's your problem, and walk away......otherwise, you may find your self twenty years later, wondering who the hell you are, and where your life went.

        I really have seen it happen, it could happen to you too...especially if you are too nice. Especially if a 'not so nice person' spots you. They know a soft touch when they see one. It's how they survive, and thrive.

        Remember, sometimes, you have to put yourself first, in order to remember who you are, and where you were heading. Don't give of yourself until there is nothing left.

        Self preservation is an important part of any relationship. Don't give up every speck of yourself. For, what then, is left of you?