Or, perhaps that's just me. Perhaps it's trite of me to care about such niceties. If I were really poor, and struggling, I would have more important things to consider. Except, I am quite hard up, and I think that makes it more important, not less. More important, to me at least, that the sight of the front door, and what lies beyond 'cheers,' it is important to me. Although surely I cannot be the only person who knows it effects them. Every thinking, feeling person must care about their home space, of course they do. Unless, they do not know who they are, thrie inner self, perhaps. It's their bit of defensible space, their haven. Perhaps it's the artist in me, liking beauty, and balance. Or, perhaps it's a result of a childhood situation, where nothing was tidy, or secure maybe...but I don't think that's it.
It's quite hard to find out, although I have thought about it. In between moving home. It may be purely something to do with pride, in yourself, or your accomplishments. Your home, and where it's located as a reflection of how well you've done. Or, something to do with the peace, and tranquility that we all need on a spiritual level, whether we know it, or not.
Whatever the reasons behind it, in my case, I know where, and how I live is vitally important. When I round the corner, and see my place, even though it's only the building that holds my flat, I love to see the building. It gives me a kick of satisfaction, to be able to go inside. The architecture, is unusual, and outstanding, of course. Mainly because it's an old building, Victorian gothic. Which, I think, has to make an impression on most people. Of course, that brings it's own problems too. As the insulation is never good, almost non existent in fact. Which, in a cold climate like ours, in England, can leave you less than comfy through the cold spells. We often laugh, that the cold can penetrate the heavy brick, and stone walls, yet the sun does not. It's often far colder inside the building, than it is outside. As you walk out the main door, the temperature is several degrees warmer. It's akin to living in a dungeon in that way. Although that does not spoil it for me. If the sight of the building was not right, I would not go live there in the first place. There is always some choice, of some kind. I would become depressed, to know I must constantly approach a dingy area, and building. Although, again I have had too, at one point in the past. At that time, it was the history of the old building round me that saved the situation. It was the tree outside the window, the flowers I planted in tubs, and the plants nurtured inside the house.
Yes, I see I am perhaps coming over as privileged here. In that I have some choice in where I live. That I don't have to live where ever I can get, or am put. Bear in mind, I have had to live in such circumstances in the past, when my family were young, and money was very tight. I had similar feelings even then. At that time, I could not change the building, or the walkways, and lifts leading to it, except to clean it. I did, however, put tubs, and flowers outside the door, and on the window sills. I even, quite illegally painted the door a nice colour, and the outside walls, I whitewashed. No one in authority ever caught up with me, to bring me to task, much as I expected really. Large authorities, like the local councils, rarely care about the little person who they are supposed to represent, and care for. Not unless you fail to pay the rent on time, of course. I therefore, felt reasonable safe in letting my artistic side loose. Anything to improve my living conditions, to make it a place I enjoyed seeing.
So, now I feel even stronger about it, I suppose. Of course, the interior is just as, perhaps even more important. At present, because I live in a small place, it's space that restricts me. I became accustomed to the 'very small' British dimensions before I went abroad. Now, after several months in a country where every room, every place, has more space. I could not adjust..indeed I am still struggling.
How to cope? I think I will have to have a major purge, of furniture, and of possessions. Charity shops here I come. Perhaps if I can make it feel more spacious, then I can settle in again. Otherwise, I will have to move. Something. I don't want to do, as it's expensive. The moving, even the packing does not bother me. Living in a new place does not bother me, I have lived in dozens of places. Every place has it's own attractions, and possibilities. I love working out how best to make the most of each space. If I had plenty of money, I would be off...immediately.
Guess, we will all have to watch this space.
As I, am as much in the dark, about the immediate future, and my living conditions, as you guys out there.
See you all anon....when I know what must be done.
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