I need to do both these things, to keep the cardio vascular workouts going, and to move from this place which no longer does the job. Its all part of my desperate push to keep fitter than last year. Last year, when I became virtually house bound. It was so cold, and with being unfit, as well as generally not well, ( I have M.E.) I could not cope. Every time I tried to venture outside, my lungs were a problem. If an asthma type attack, did not get me whilst walking through biting cold winds. It got me, on coming back into the warm again. Yes, that's a highly dangerous thing to do without thinking. Coming into a warmer temperature, just closes up the lungs. I'm no doctor, I don't know why, but it's true alright. I had several quite scary attacks before I realized why. I don't remember ever experiencing it quite like that before, perhaps it was the severity of the winter. In addition, do you know how difficult it is trying to delay your entrance, by acclimatising at each stage of stepping into your home. Sometimes, it worked a little, other times, not at all. Usually, it was simpler not to go out, waiting for a better temperatures, which did not come. Except, by the end of the winter, a very long one, I was stuffed. So unfit, like a drooping hothouse flower, about to curl up, and give in.
Then, having to go stay with my Mother this year, away in NZ. When there, seeing how her ability to walk had deteriorated, gave me a jolt. Because I had seen the decisions she took over the years, the advice she ignored, which led to this inability. The old adage of 'use it, or lose it' is so true. Instead of making an effort to keep fit, or get fitter, she sat down. She stopped, doing the garden, going to the shops, or even walking to the mailbox. Now, she can't do any of it, no matter how she would like to. Which, she finds frustrating, and boring, I'm sure. Or perhaps I am talking about how I would feel. She takes a lot of looking after, and that's not fair to your family either. I don't want to be a burden to my children. I don't want to be like that, I want to remain fit, and active. Even if it means I must work harder at it, than when I was younger. The effort will be worth it, eventually. Especially during the years when I can still go for a stroll with my children, or grandchildren. Instead of waiting for family to do things for me.
That then, is why it's important to keep moving. As important, to make sure my new home is in the best place for me to continue my present regime, or improve it. Without it becoming more difficult, due to location, or surrounding amenities. I want somewhere big enough for visitors too. An extra bedroom, a place big enough for a dining table, to entertain, and some outside space for the warm weather. None of which I have at present. Of course the rental climate is great, but for landlords, and not for tenants. I won't be renting for ever, but I want it to be pleasant, until such time as I get my own place. I took the small, place I am in now, primarily because it was the right price. Thinking it didn't matter for a short time. But how long is a peace of string, I am still there. Except now, I dislike most of it intensely. As I have said before, it's like trying to live in a shoe box, with the shoes still in.
I realise I have to up the budget, which I don't want to do, but it's a straight choice. Either I put up with what I have, and hate, or I front up, and somehow pay for it. Even if I have to cut back elsewhere. I think I have decided, but am so far, unable to find anything suitable. At least not without paying far, faaaar, more than I can afford. It's no good driving yourself mad, by putting yourself in a financial hole. So, it's all a balancing act. A compromise, if you will.
In exactly the same way it is, when I sluggishly rise from bed, and have to make myself head for the pool. Afterwards, wet, and satisfied, I know I did right, and it had to be done. Now, I need to be able to decide on the right place, which does not seem to be there yet. Unfortunately, patience is not my strong point. I just hope, when it comes to it, I can make myself do it, and come out the other side ok.
So.... I keep looking, hoping something comes up soon, the right something.
Between then, and now, to keep fit, and get fitter. Never, whatever I do, give up on either of my 'moving' solutions, to sorting out my life. Everything is achievable, just don't give up....
Never give up......
The darkest part of the night, is just before the dawn.....
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