Christmas comes but once a year... Thank goodness!

              Christmas is here again, 'and so...this is Christmas..'.as Noddy Holder says in the famous song for the season. In many ways, that song sums up the major feelings for the season for me. I am ok with it, just had too many now, and with no small children around me, it's bordering on the 'Bah humbug' as quoted the character in Charles Dickens. It's the time of year for children, they still feel the excitement, and look forward to it, in a way which, is beyond me. Oh, I like the family to get together, I know it's good for renewing family ties. I also realise, that once I am gone, they are likely to fall apart as a unit. Something I find quite sad, except every year its like a military operation. Trying to organise a time when they can come together, at the same time, and to suit everyone. It's not an easy task, I tell you, because it's not just down to my efforts, but to theirs too. In retrospect, always worth it though.

               The matriarch of every family tends to hold the immediate family together like that. I saw it with my grandmother, how everyone gravitated to her place in a lively, bustling family crowd. Yet, once she was ill, then gone, that was the end of that. The Daughter-in-laws in particular complained about it on a regular basis. All wanting to play their own matriarchical roles, I suppose. The wonderful thing is, it's given me, and whoever else were children at the time, some wonderful memories, as it did to other children through the ages I am sure. These family Christmases went on for a fair few years with my Mother. Although, when my dad died, I realised it was more him, than her, who held us together, who wanted, and instigated the gatherings. Oh later on, she would have let us use the house, but do the organisation, the whole thing. She, happily, I think, was the passive one in the family celebrations, and still is. My brother, the one near her location wise, and with the small family, gradually took over, especially once I returned to live in the same country as my own children. My brother, and his wife doing the family occasions was not necessary when my Dad was alive, because he chivvied Mother along, set the programme. Something, she may have hated of course, it's just that we didn't realise it at the time. We thought she loved it, as much as we did.

                  I am not talking of the religious significance of Christmas here. Only of the social aspects I suppose. Although, if you think of it in terms of the Father, doing his best to make a family of us, to hold us all together, I guess it works the same. God, Jesus, and the directives of the ten commandments, the concept of the ' tho shalt nots' offers a framework by which to live. Except, perhaps it fails in the fact that it's negative programming. The carrot, and the stick method, with too much stick, and not enough carrot. If caring for a child, teaching it right from wrong, would you baldly give it a whole list of rules, of things it must, and must not do. I don't know, I am no theologian, but I don't think I would. Worship, the church service, at the regular day, and time, gives us some common ground on which to come together though. I know when I was a teacher, I found that those ten, or twenty minutes sitting quietly, and talking to God, Perhaps singing together, helped make us a unit. Helped coalesse each class to its teacher, and each other, and each class, to the school. It gave us unity. Exactly what we hope for as a family.

               As for a type of World unity, it's more difficult still. Perhaps if we were all the same denomination, or did inter denominational worship, it might work better.  Except all that's happening at present, is hate for other churches, other ways. OK, I know its the fanatical few, and their mistaken interpretations of their holy book.  It endures, sadly, it follows somehow, through the various countries, and the various faiths. Flaring into hatred, and killing, causing deeper rifts, instead of unity, and peace. I don't know how it can be changed, it has gone on for so long. Personally, I think sometimes, we would be better off without the churches, the institution.    

               Churches have always gravitated towards riches, and power. Corrupt men, gravitate to powerful situations, gathering wealth, and power to themselves, by whatever means. Be it religion, the law, or politics, it was ever thus. All we, the small man can do, is look to our own garden. To ourselves, and our family, and how we care for, and treat each other. To that end, the socialising, and sharing of family ties at Christmas shows our concern for each other, giving us the chance to show our love, to nurture our family. Perhaps baby steps is the way, one step at a time. Even the gift giving, so out of control in many ways, if kept simple, can be an expression of love, and care.

                 It's  still complicated sometimes though. As even within a family someone must be in charge, even if only through the respect, and love of the rest. Someone must instigate a coming together, think of their comfort, a meal, relaxation. Trying to create a loving, and secure environment for their loved ones, on that special day. Personalities still get in the way, as does the give, and take necessary for everyone to agree on a time, and date, and keep that appointment. 

                 Many of us, will not manage to get through that period without some family drama. It can be difficult spending longer times than usual, cooped up together. Statistics show it's a time of break ups, fights, and anger too. It's all about getting the right balance isn't it.  Again, it may take a diplomat to smooth the way between you all on that stay, but let's hope not. Perhaps, that's why it becomes difficult when the head of the family is gone, perhaps they were also the voice of reason. Or, simply someone you did not want to upset by squabbling with each other.  Keeping any disagreeable undercurrents in check, and concentrating on love, and care instead.

               It is funny, strange, thinking of the past, how you thought you knew your family, especially in situations like that. It's only now, looking back, and trying to work out the power struggles, and the relationship dynamics, you begin to see the truth of it. It has to be in the light of what you know now, only then does the past begin to make sense. Let us, though, think more of the present, and the future for that is what is important. In the meantime, Christmas, for this year, is upon us again.

                 For my own immediate family, my children, and theirs, we are quite spread about. This makes it difficult to spent any significant time together. Still, we, a Mother, and her children, and some of theirs, will get the best part of a day, the afternoon, and part evening at least. A time to renew ties, to strengthen relationships, and to enjoy each other's company. It's a short time, but for my children, it will be the first year together, for several years. It is likely to be the last, for several more too. Due to work, and family pressures flinging them about even further.

                 For that reason, and because I love them with all my heart, I will do everything in my power to ensure the day is spent well. Also, that the memories we make on that day will carry us through, until we all meet together again.

                 Love, and light to you all this Christmas, and throughout the coming year.

                 May your God be with you....