Dependency

        Dependency....... It's a bit of a dirty word..with me anyway. Over the last few years, I watched my mother slide into the jaws of dependency. Well, she was ninety when she died, so there was bound to be times where her general health, or an emergency caused us all to look more closely at her situation. My Father had died over twenty years before, but with a secure home, through my brother and I getting together, we knew she was safe, the decisions were hers. No one could tell her she had to move anywhere. Regardless the last few weeks of her life were difficult for my brother, who took the brunt of that period, me being away for the last couple of months, unwell myself. Even with ther staying at home until the last couple of days is arduous.

           With my maternal Grandmother, over forty years before it was very different. She lost her husband thrifty years before, but was without the security of her own home, which through law, had to pass to her eldest son, it was very different. I am not sure if she was even allowed to make decisions, or if it was all the task of her sons. It was, after a very sexist society in those days of the 1950's/1960's. Women were only then beginning to see how every major decision was taken for her. A woman had few rights in law, she just was not recognised as a responsible person. The women of that era and beyond, fought for every advantage women now enjoy. OK. Maybe it has gone too far, in that it means women often have to work full time, and still take care of the house. They got hit with a double whammy there, but overall, it's more freedom than was possible before. It seems nothing is without costs of some sort. The advent of birth control being the greatest freedom to choose.

        Yes, freedom, that old psychology chestnut. 'What is freedom?' question.  Basically, a freedom taken by one person, or group of people, infringes on the freedom already enjoyed by some other person, or group. So, there is no such thing as total freedom. If you want to play your music loud and your neighbour wants to live in peace, then you are forced to turn it down, or off! Tolerance and negotiation is constantly necessary. Of course it's much more complicated than that. There are dozens of things through the course of your day and especially the course of your life, you must adjust to.

            So, of course, in the past, my grandmothers son did with her house what suited him. Be it financial or practically. For of course if she had the freedom to continue living there unmolested in peace through the next thirty five years, then he must pay the taxes, or get the costs from her. As well as maintain the grounds and the building and ensure her safety. Her freedoms became his responsibilities. Naturally, he couldn't maintain it for that period of time, I expect he was getting old too, she lived until nearly a hundred years old. With the result, he sold to an inlaw, making the proviso she could live out her life there. Of course the in law wanted to make money, especially after his wife died, leaving him an inlaw without a living link to our family. He pulled out the apple trees, including all other fruiting trees and planted pine trees. Forcing her into being dependant on shops. Her little house became an island surrounded by a small forrest, but out of her and our control. Eventually, when he remarried, he sold too. Then, my grandmothers' real problems began. The new buyer, waged a stealth campaign to get her out. Resulting indirectly in her injuring herself, at past ninety. Again, a mans word, against a silly old woman, which in the 1970s was often the way things worked.

            The reason all of this is cropping up in my mind, is because now I am the matriarch of my own family. Which is great whilst you are fit, got all your marbles and can manage for yourself. But, almost a month ago, I tripped, a silly thing anyone could do, but twisted my foot badly. I still can't put it on the floor, it still has new bruises showing almost daily and I can no longer cope with the many sets of steps leading to my house, or the many steps once inside the place. Hence, off to my sons house I went. Thinking it would be for a couple days, a week at most, but I'm still there. Having no car at present, not that I could use an accelerator with my foot. I rely on him for everything. Ok I am quite independent, but can't get to the shops, around the shops,  not even in and out of cafes, my favourite place to do my writing and my other internet stuff. My social network is outside home.

             My freedom to do what I prefer, to get out of his house before I go completely stir crazy, or to walk without pain and. Fear because the roads, pavements and everything is so uneven...how I fell in the first place, make stepping out in any direction hazardous. I get over tired and bad tempered, I berate myself but it's difficult to remain sunny. I am sorely infringing on the formally good relationship between my son and myself. He is married with children and I must be a low priority. He tries to do everything, but I think I'm the straw that broke he camels back.... he has other responsibilities. Poor boy...

           It just makes you think, that's all. From now, I am working on the picture of me keeping hale and hearty until the last hour of my life. I don't want to be a dependant, I won't be a dependant. Perhaps if this whole thing hadn't coincided with my finances being effectively frozen by the ineptitude of the bank, I could finance other help for myself. As it is, I'm caught between a rock and hard place. I'm determinedly looking at the positve, I could have broken bones, I could have been in plaster for much longer, it could have cost me a lot of money in medical bills. My son or his wife may have been unwilling or unable to take me in. At least now, I know what else to include in my ideal future and I know to appreciate how busy my sons life is. Also, how well he tries to make a miserable, injured woman, a bit happier.

            So thank you Universe for all my good fortune.......I appreciate my good luck.....because soon, I will be fully recovered and a lot wiser. Wiser to know it makes you selfish living alone, you do exactly what you want all the time. Go where you fancy, do what you fancy, sleep when you choose, eat when you choose......eat what  you please.....yes, now I'll appreciate my good luck and my lack of dependency.