ali keilly writes: Day to day....

ali keilly writes: Day to day....:         Life, severely gets in the way of living.....in particular, life, as we know it today in such a fast paced society becomes hectic at...

Day to day....

        Life, severely gets in the way of living.....in particular, life, as we know it today in such a fast paced society becomes hectic at the speed of light. This means if we are not vigilant, time for ourselves, or our loved ones quickly becomes lost. It actually takes some organisational skill and more than a few good habits to allow each of us to enjoy the good things in life. It's not so easy to find quiet time, nor peaceful places in which to restore our soul, or just to enjoy good company. Or find places and pastimes  allowing us to relax and unwind. Even should we manage to find the ideal situation or location, we carry our smart phones everywhere, or our iPads, or even laptops. Internet connection is available most places, social media connections call to us. If we fail to log in for a day, or several times a day, we feel we have missed out. How often do you miss logging in, or not answer the phone when it rings......it might be something urgent, might it not? In truth, that which is supposed to connect us with those we love, can actually isolate us, and does.

          So busy are we connecting with friends on Facebook, many of whom we seldom see, or have never met. Whether it be Facebook, Twitter or any of the other social media sites that are available to us, it can quickly become an obsession. Don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty as anyone else in this regard. I enjoy seeing what's going on, I enjoy the information available to me through these sites....I love the political postings, the art, both modern and historic, the self help, the spiritual guidance and the hundred and one other things I open and peruse. I love that I have connected to some old friends I never would have without. I love that some strangers now feel like friends. Nevertheless it is, by definition, an isolating pastime. I'm not going out at those times and meeting friends for coffee, or sitting on a clifftop enjoying nature, or swimming in the sea or walking with family along the sand or through a forest. But we all know that, we know the benefits and the dangers of the Internet. Nevertheless it's something a big percentage of us are well and truly hooked into by now.

           Except it's not just that is it, everything is so fast, so hectic. Modern life goes at a hundred miles an hour, most of the time we must scrabble to keep up. If you are married, you have to accommodate your husband or partners routine, his timetable, your relationship. Then, there is care of the house, the laundry piling up, the supermarket shop, cooking, or getting to the local markets. Or there's your job, how will you pay all the bills otherwise? The school run, the keep fit, doctors, dentist, whatever ...if you're lucky you find a little time for yourself. Truly, I've barely scratched the surface have I. Of course you may even need a workman, or dropping something off to the repair man, taking the car for a service, petrol needed, a car wash...so many tasks that must be kept abreast of, then what about the animals, your pets? There's the garden, we should be growing some vegetables shouldn't we? Keeping chickens, trying a hive, living green, perhaps plants in the house, herbs on the window sill, decorating etc. Then what about birthdays, holidays, sick days, clubs, hobbies, outings and the rest. I know in my busiest years a sick day was like a present to myself....I could step off the merry go round for a day...but then, going back again it was twice as difficult catching up. With the guilt on top of course. Now, in addition to all that mundane stuff, you have modern technology of the kind already mentioned with social media, but with electronic reminders to pay bills, or threats if you're late, Internet banking, telephone calls to persuade you buy, or answer a quick survey. It never stops does it, the worst of it is, a lot of people think it's normal..... just life. Except I'm now mature enough to remember a different way of life......when a less hectic routine was normal.

          Well, it's certainly life as we know it now. I must say I could do with a shot of alcohol just listing all the stuff we must do. Come to think of it, I think I'll buy a bottle of red wine today. On Facebook an article said a glass of red before you go to bed slims you right down....I like the sound of that!  Easy peasy slimming method. Of course, most of that stuff already mentioned, is only maintenance of what we have already put our energy into creating in the first place. It's no wonder TV is popular....you can sit there and veg out, or even sleep. 'What me fall asleep...my mouth was open.....I snored.......I never did! '.....Uh uh, I'm alert and on top of things at all times, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

          My youngest son is now at the stage where he accuses me of being deaf. 'Mother, I told you that already, you even answered me'. Or, 'no, that's not what I said.....Oh Mother', he despairs. Imagining a life where he must shout constantly to make himself heard, or one in which I begin wandering off in the wrong direction through lack of hearing his instructions.....Little does he know I zone out a lot. Well seriously, I have told him that, but he doesn't believe me....after all, he knows I'm deaf! If I'm writing, or reading, even painting or watching the box, I zone out......I miss a lot.....oops....sorry!. Ok, I do, but it's not deafness, rather it's that I've found a way to get me some 'me time', some 'quiet time!'  I like it inside my head.

            O.K. I can't wind back time, unless we really do experience one of those end of days scenarios. Which I sincerely hope we don't, because I do enjoy the Internet, and lots of the rest. I can only suggest you each learn how to zone out a bit more, which might be hazardous to the traffic but hopefully not! Or, you add at least one thing to your daily routine which is solely for you. Some precious 'ME' time. A half hour of meditation to soothe the soul, a short time in your favourite beauty spot, without the phone on. A half hour nap after lunch, or a walk along the river really looking at nature around you. Perhaps an extra few minutes in the shower going through all the positive things you want to happen today, or this month. Whatever you decide on, do it every day,...I know you'll reap the rewards......it won't slow life down, but it will enable you to mange it all a bit better...please let me know what happens.....better use social media to do it....ok folks, full circle now....log on.....but also 

ENJOY THE MOMENT.

Holiday destinations are often best taken out of seasons ( written for ArraialBahia.com)

       Out of season holidays, or mini breaks, has to be the smart choice for some of us. The Sweeping Coastline of this part of Bahia. Brasil is one of the best examples you will find. As someone who is getting to know it very well, I realise how special it is. There is something about the whole area that just catches at your soul. For me, living in this pretty special holiday destination, by the bluest sea, the warmest sands, I know I am blessed with this spectacular coastline.

                                 A typical beach and beach bar, just up from the island

       I know, first hand how much the place changes once the majority of the tourists go home. In many ways for the better I might add. Yes, some things will close, or perhaps not open so often, but all of the natural beauty is still there. The beaches, the sea, a wide variety of pretty and comfortable beach bars. Naturally, those belonging to the hotels or Posadas, remain open at reasonable times. You have the option of wandering the small and unique places like Arraial D Adjuda (the island), or, past the golf course and select holiday park to Trancosa. Parking is easy, where you like, without the crowds of visitors making getting about more difficult. You are able to eat and drink at much cheaper prices as well as have more opportunity to perhaps meet the locals. Or, you can spend time in the old fishing port of Porto Seguro, visiting the larger shops, the cinema and even McDonalds if that is what you like to do. You will find little of the large and flashy anywhere, but you will find a wide diversity of amusements. But that is the charm of the place. The very uniqueness that draws people back, time after time.

       You can still discover many craft shops, assorted boutiques and live music still all open to tempt you. Wander the Indian village and open markets as you discover them within relatively short distances. Meander by foot, take a local bus or taxi, or drive along the long, diverse and quite spectacular coastline. Small fresh fruit and vegetable markets are tucked away everywhere. Sometimes under a stand of leafy trees, or within a local, dusty street. Fresh fish can be bought straight off the boats on some beaches, or at the busier, larger fish quay in Porto Seguro.  Which is the larger, livelier town scattered with even more beach bars and little restaurants. You are bound to find something of interest as the whole area is filled with musicians, artists and writers of every kind. 

        It's the coastline where Columbus originally landed, all three, five hundred year old plus historic churches are found nearby. With a little more planning you will be able to move from one pleasant accommodation to another. Choosing the cost and the comfort as you go, each one always different in style and location from the last. Many owners will often be willing to set you up with connections to another special place, as there are many places along the coast, or larger towns inland.The whole area is alive with well thought out, comfortable posadas, condos and private accommodation for your enjoyment and relaxation. Most furnished in styles you will love, giving you a real taste of tropical living. Fine lawn curtains, colourful materials, hammocks, tropical furniture all make most attractive and well thought out habitats. Almost all have relaxing areas both inside and out so you can make the most of the weather.    

        You may explore the countryside and the character of the place as you go. You will see donkeys and carts, young men riding their sweethearts of the crossbar of their bicycle and crowds of assorted, busy motor bikes going about their business. Pretty little churches sit on green spaces, or others, more meeting rooms/church halls, are tucked amongst the shops and housing. Brasil and particularly this stretch of the coast brings people back, time and time again. I know for a fact, that once seen, it plants a seed in your heart. Visitors can't seem to help but return to discover more, indeed why would you not.

                                      Coming into Porto Seguro on the ferry

         So, take a break, come visit out of season, experience the sights, the sounds, the music and the dancing that is Bahia. Eat the good food, the self service restaurants, fresh Bar B Q, or intimate inside or outside dining. The choice is yours, but you will certainly save yourself a fortune and collect some of the best memories ever. The coastline of Bahia awaits you.

Take full advantage of your amazing opportunities during this vital year.

        I'm not a professional Astrologer...but as a psychic, a spiritual person, I am merely an interested thinker in the obvious effects the planets seem to have on our lives. I can't help but notice over the years the patterns that repeat with me, of particular planetary movements. As a Gemini, I know that Mercury has a lot of influence in my life.. But it exerts pressure on all of all. Particularly when it is Mercury in Retrograde, which keeps hanging around. Let's face it it doesn't take much imagination to realise what something as strong as a Mercury going backwards instead of forwards, has to bring things to some sort of boil. We have had quite a lot of that in the recent past.

        At last, after the year of 2014 where everything around you, as well as every doubt in you, was made to surface, things are able to change for the better. Last year was a year where most of us with any kind of sensitively for such things, began to realise that life was not as we wanted it. That a great deal was now outdated, unsatisfactory and simply not working for us. Many were in some kind of rut, or at the least knew they needed to make changes.. Or felt something was missing, but many of us struggled on until we were pushed. Some of us are still trying to maintain the status quo...which is unlikely to stay dormant for the entirety of this year. Neither should it be allowed to, because change is needed, change is actually very good for all of us right now. Or, we run the risk of being left behind in World  consciousness. It was often a complicated year, we were thrown into unfamilier situations, with targets or requirement that were difficult to achieve or maintain. Many were forced, or coerced into new jobs or unknown areas, even into new countries. 

        Certainly for me, it was a very unsettled year. I like many others, ended up in a different country to where I began the year. Despite the usual high and low spots associated with change and ongoing struggle, there was some fun to be had...but it unsettled many of us. We looked at the pattern of our lives...we probably attempted to make the people in it fit...but often they just didn't. Hardship often worsened, plans not working, confusion and uncertainly, with everyone at least a little off kilter. We renewed ties, we broke ties, we looked quite a lot at our old lives. Then, many of us, those that were a little rasher, jumped. Many others, attempted to recreate how they began last year. Now, we are already into April of 2015, deeper changes within us continue, so... off we go again. Except, this year is vital to you all. A year not to missed, or wasted.

         The balance of the world is a complicated affair. It's flow and ebb effects us all, as it must. The natural rhythms exist for an important reason, we do better when tuned to them. The trick with life, is to achieve a balance within yourself, then hopefully sit within your world in an easy and comfortable manner. At ease, in abundance, at spiritual peace and happy with who you are. Yes, I know, it is quite a trick to get right. Imbalanced, angry or unfulfilled emotions do not make for happy days, or peaceful nights. This is the year all of us can achieve that...everything is set up for making the most of who we are and who we want to be. The planets, with Mercury once again pushing us to explore even deeper into our psyches, force us to admit, we need to know. So, be prepared to dig deep, it's a time to persue your passions. Numerologically, it's a once in a lifetime year, a year not to be missed. Or, in years to come you will say, "that was my chance, I should have done it", or, " I'm not the person I should/could have been".

         It is, in effect, another step up for humanity on the spiritual ladder of development. Something that has been happening since the new millennium of fifteen years ago. Special children have been born and will continue to be so, awareness has spiked... it's  a 'spiritual shift'. Unfortunately so has violence, terroismn and oppression spiked during those years. But the best response to hate, has always been and will always be love. I know....its bit airy fairy and I am a well known sceptic from way back, but still, it is what it is. I have had to admit over the years that facts are facts, on my own spiritual journey I demanded proofs and I got them. Time and time again, so for me, whatever anyone thinks of me, or believes is possible, I am content with my spituality. Each of you is on your own personal journey and I would never say that mine is the only, or true way. That particular single minded vision is at the root of most of the unrest in the World today. 

          Therefore my friends and fellow travellers, your soul searching has gone on all this year so far, with too many blocks still in place to be able to further your plans or dreams a great deal. I nevertheless hope, for your own sakes that you are setting plans in place, ready to take the next steps. Because the energy around us, is starting to move and so must we. If you don't yet know your dream, what makes you happy, search for it, ask to find it, be in tune with your soul. Think about what you love to do. But rest assured the answer is within you and not another. No one else can make you happy, you cannot 'make' anyone else happy. Your joy, balance, spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing are already there, within you. Once you encourage its growth, then you can share it with another, with friends or family or with the world. It depends on what you decide your dream to be, your aspirations.

           This year, invest in the Earth, a perfect message for the Earth Day just gone. Invest in the Earth, or its people. In whatever way you decide to invest this year, do it with honesty, with hard work and diligence. Ask for your answers and they will come. Make the most of this special year because by the end of it...you and I, can be firmly entrenched on our life's path. On the way to security of whatever kind we wish, as well as spiritual enlightenment. Share your love, mould your love and send love out to anyone, any place, still lost or separated from their own light. 

           Love and light to you all. Love and light to the World. May our dreams all come true. Use this special, unique year to become the best person you can be, the happiest, the most joyous. Send out the most love to the earth and it's people and you will surely get the most love and success back.

           Lots and lots of love everyone.....I believe in YOU.

        

        

Sleeping problems...INSOMNIA

      I'm sure it's something we all suffer from at some point in our life. Me...well like my father and other family members, I'm quite the professional insomniac. Unpaid, you understand. Or, is it paid in frustration? Well of course to be unable to sleep and with mounting frustration recently because of it, is doubly futile....

      If I look back over the years, I've actually tried every remedy ever suggested. As well as quite a few solutions of my own. On average I slept four hours a night, those being often from three until seven.  Often, I slept even less, but as long as had a couple of hours it seems I was able to get through the next day fine. I might have a quick half hour nap when first returning to the house in the evening, but nothing more. When I was younger and life was hectic with work, family and a sort of social life I really thought it was a gift. I didn't seem to need the sleep, so I didn't worry. In the midst of a house always busy and noisy, my quiet nights really were a gift. They were for me.

       As I spent years studying to improve myself and my employability, it was a good solution. A few hours all to myself in the middle of the night...what could be better. I studied, I wrote essays, I even painted as part of another course. Once qualified, I made lesson plans, teaching aids and whatever was necessary for the next day or week. All this before the days of the laptop or iPad. I can honestly say I enjoyed my nights. They were my gift to me, I made the most of them.

       I'm not sure when that attitude changed, or what caused it to change. It was probably getting a partner, trying to go mainstream, attempting to conform to the idea of a normal night. (Or is that pretending to be normal) I do know that thrashing about next to someone, or even reading, does not go down well. Perhaps I made the mistake of trying to be normal...when I clearly was not. Even sliding out of bed to be discovered later by an owl eyed tired man, wasn't a good idea either. He always seemed to think if he took me back and saw me comfortable, then my inability to sleep would disappear. It hardly ever did of course. Why did he always wake up, I wondered. Why wasn't he a heavy sleeper so I could do what needed, chill, relax, have time for me.....perhaps it was selfish, he seemed too think it a problem.

        I didn't mind if he snored, took all the bed, but no. After a few years, (did I ruin his sleep patterns?) after finding me awake, sitting in the silence, he began to commandeer the living area, watching TV. (Straightaway, silence gone) I got drawn into it sometimes, the programmes in the middle of the night were often far more interesting than the evening ones, educational even. Although it really wasn't my style, it actually stimulated me even more. I got this picture of myself, with big, round eyes, mind spinning crazily for things to do, whilst pretending to gaze at the box. Sewed to the seat somehow, by the seat of my pants, or is that P.J's. Often, during the night back then, I was reading...because my home was no longer set up for my night excursions and life changes. By then, the children had flown the nest, some to begin their own patterns of insomnia. You know the Apple does not fall far from the tree, as they often complain to me.

         But my joy in the nights awake had gone...lost somewhere along the years. My partner took to knocking back neat rum as he watched his middle of the night TV. Denying it had any effect on him the next morning, but I couldn't join in that either. True, he was always up and out the door early, me not so much. It was just that my nights were becoming a trail, rather than a joy. I was needing my sleep more than I had, perhaps worn down by attempting normality, or just getting older. Whilst clearly,  my efforts to sleep regular hours as other people do, wasn't working.  Sporadic ill health had ruined my inexhaustible vitality, exams were long gone and although the new technology was everywhere, it didn't fill the gaps somehow.

          Insomnia still rules my life. Even through I've tried remedies for sleeping of every description, oils, natural herbs, teas...never sleeping tablets or tranquillisers...I have enough problems without those. Sometimes I sleep all night and IT is a gift.. I wake in surprise that it's morning, I did not experience the night at all. Often I sleep a little, or not for days, I never know, but I'm still trying. I'm on my own again now, the partner gone off to drink his rum and watch his tv when he likes, where he likes. I'm not sad about that. However, with no family in the house, I no longer need the quiet of the night for me. I have the days of quiet too. I'm not complaining, I know life keeps changing....but I wonder. Why did I try to conform to what was expected, why didn't I just do my own thing. Surely we could have worked through it, together, better than we did. Or, maybe it was just an impossible situation that could not be resolved. Two vastly different people, trying to meld lifestyles. How often do we ask..."how do you sleep?".

           Either way, here I am, the insomniac from way back, the nights are mine.....if only I knew exactly what to do with them. Who knows which cycle might come next, I don't. I've already lived in many different time zones, nothing changes the fact that when night comes......what follows is a mystery.....but I'm determined not to be upset if my plans to sleep don't work. Being involved in a mystery every night, and able to do exactly what you want....can't be bad can it. 

          Good night everyone , especially you insomniacs, I know there are many of you out there.

Make the most of your sleep patterns whichever way it goes.

           N.B. I have just had three nights of wonderful sleep. What did I do..I wonder?

      

Dependency

        Dependency....... It's a bit of a dirty word..with me anyway. Over the last few years, I watched my mother slide into the jaws of dependency. Well, she was ninety when she died, so there was bound to be times where her general health, or an emergency caused us all to look more closely at her situation. My Father had died over twenty years before, but with a secure home, through my brother and I getting together, we knew she was safe, the decisions were hers. No one could tell her she had to move anywhere. Regardless the last few weeks of her life were difficult for my brother, who took the brunt of that period, me being away for the last couple of months, unwell myself. Even with ther staying at home until the last couple of days is arduous.

           With my maternal Grandmother, over forty years before it was very different. She lost her husband thrifty years before, but was without the security of her own home, which through law, had to pass to her eldest son, it was very different. I am not sure if she was even allowed to make decisions, or if it was all the task of her sons. It was, after a very sexist society in those days of the 1950's/1960's. Women were only then beginning to see how every major decision was taken for her. A woman had few rights in law, she just was not recognised as a responsible person. The women of that era and beyond, fought for every advantage women now enjoy. OK. Maybe it has gone too far, in that it means women often have to work full time, and still take care of the house. They got hit with a double whammy there, but overall, it's more freedom than was possible before. It seems nothing is without costs of some sort. The advent of birth control being the greatest freedom to choose.

        Yes, freedom, that old psychology chestnut. 'What is freedom?' question.  Basically, a freedom taken by one person, or group of people, infringes on the freedom already enjoyed by some other person, or group. So, there is no such thing as total freedom. If you want to play your music loud and your neighbour wants to live in peace, then you are forced to turn it down, or off! Tolerance and negotiation is constantly necessary. Of course it's much more complicated than that. There are dozens of things through the course of your day and especially the course of your life, you must adjust to.

            So, of course, in the past, my grandmothers son did with her house what suited him. Be it financial or practically. For of course if she had the freedom to continue living there unmolested in peace through the next thirty five years, then he must pay the taxes, or get the costs from her. As well as maintain the grounds and the building and ensure her safety. Her freedoms became his responsibilities. Naturally, he couldn't maintain it for that period of time, I expect he was getting old too, she lived until nearly a hundred years old. With the result, he sold to an inlaw, making the proviso she could live out her life there. Of course the in law wanted to make money, especially after his wife died, leaving him an inlaw without a living link to our family. He pulled out the apple trees, including all other fruiting trees and planted pine trees. Forcing her into being dependant on shops. Her little house became an island surrounded by a small forrest, but out of her and our control. Eventually, when he remarried, he sold too. Then, my grandmothers' real problems began. The new buyer, waged a stealth campaign to get her out. Resulting indirectly in her injuring herself, at past ninety. Again, a mans word, against a silly old woman, which in the 1970s was often the way things worked.

            The reason all of this is cropping up in my mind, is because now I am the matriarch of my own family. Which is great whilst you are fit, got all your marbles and can manage for yourself. But, almost a month ago, I tripped, a silly thing anyone could do, but twisted my foot badly. I still can't put it on the floor, it still has new bruises showing almost daily and I can no longer cope with the many sets of steps leading to my house, or the many steps once inside the place. Hence, off to my sons house I went. Thinking it would be for a couple days, a week at most, but I'm still there. Having no car at present, not that I could use an accelerator with my foot. I rely on him for everything. Ok I am quite independent, but can't get to the shops, around the shops,  not even in and out of cafes, my favourite place to do my writing and my other internet stuff. My social network is outside home.

             My freedom to do what I prefer, to get out of his house before I go completely stir crazy, or to walk without pain and. Fear because the roads, pavements and everything is so uneven...how I fell in the first place, make stepping out in any direction hazardous. I get over tired and bad tempered, I berate myself but it's difficult to remain sunny. I am sorely infringing on the formally good relationship between my son and myself. He is married with children and I must be a low priority. He tries to do everything, but I think I'm the straw that broke he camels back.... he has other responsibilities. Poor boy...

           It just makes you think, that's all. From now, I am working on the picture of me keeping hale and hearty until the last hour of my life. I don't want to be a dependant, I won't be a dependant. Perhaps if this whole thing hadn't coincided with my finances being effectively frozen by the ineptitude of the bank, I could finance other help for myself. As it is, I'm caught between a rock and hard place. I'm determinedly looking at the positve, I could have broken bones, I could have been in plaster for much longer, it could have cost me a lot of money in medical bills. My son or his wife may have been unwilling or unable to take me in. At least now, I know what else to include in my ideal future and I know to appreciate how busy my sons life is. Also, how well he tries to make a miserable, injured woman, a bit happier.

            So thank you Universe for all my good fortune.......I appreciate my good luck.....because soon, I will be fully recovered and a lot wiser. Wiser to know it makes you selfish living alone, you do exactly what you want all the time. Go where you fancy, do what you fancy, sleep when you choose, eat when you choose......eat what  you please.....yes, now I'll appreciate my good luck and my lack of dependency.

Inactivity is overrated.

         Relaxing is great isn't it.....yes it is when it's in the midst of a busy life. Or, if it's time you have taken out of the normal routine to treat yourself, a little luxurious, decadent, stolen break. But if you have  to take it, are forced by circumstances to take it, then it loses its whole appeal. It does for me anyway. But how can I be so sure, ahhh, well that's because I have just had a whole week mostly off my feet, unable to walk, unable to put weight on my foot and bored, bored, bored. Innactivity sucks!

         I must admit, I'm not a home body, I'm a gad about. Give me a choice between being in around the house, or out and about, I will be out every time. Of course, if I have a project, an aim, then I can amuse myself closer to home. I can get really involved in a piece of writing, a painting, a social occasion or even a DIY home improvement project. But not just to think only of the shopping, the housework, washing whatever. Or even relaxing around the house when all the jobs are done. Those are chores to me, definitely chores. Yes, if I'm reading, which I am doing constantly, I will curl up in some quiet corner and read for hours on end. Even, let's be honest here, sit in the midst of noise and bustle and get completely lost in a story. I can even watch TV. Especially during a period back last year when I was in a cold climate and very unwell, I knew everything that came on and when. Given the choice though, I will be out of the house, probably at some cafe, park, or beach just watching life pass by. I don't feel lonely in such situations, I feel involved in the midst of everything. I guess that's why I'm a writer and an artist, I notice everything, I look at what's happening around me. I'm an incorrigible  people watcher.

         So, what's bought all this on? Well, about a week ago, I tripped over, twisting my foot under me, resulting in a bad sprain. After spending a big chunk of the day in hospital being ex rayed to see if anything was broken. As well as waiting to see doctors, I was confined to home. Dreadful to say, not even my own home, as it has too many steps for me to negotiate. No, I'm at my sons' house, in the guest room, where I can be 'looked after'. Son, wife, two children and a cat are all nothing like my little place next to the jungle. But isn't that just why I can't go there for the week. It is a bit too unusual, down lots of outside steps and too isolated. If I had been there alone, unable to barely stand, I would be worse than stir crazy by now, I might be completely crazy. As well as certainly living in chaos by this time...mmm, as you see I had little choice. I don't sound grateful do I....stubborn person that I am. Of course I am grateful, maybe just not accepting of the situation. I expect when passing along the runners to the hot place in my coffin, I'll be struggling to make a move. Or, maybe by then I will already be somewhere far more exciting,.....I do Iike change.

          Sometimes you just have to admit that you are not your usual self. That you cannot care for yourself, or for your home properly. I certainly couldn't have kept the place clean, done the shopping, cooked meals. No, really I wouldn't have been able to do any of that. So, I grit my teeth, smile and give in as gracefully as I could. Yes, I know, I'm an old curmudgeon. Yes really, I do know myself and my faults very well. I suppose having travelled extensively helps me be able to fit into different routines fairly well. But after a week, and being so frustrated at my slow progress and in fairly constant pain, I am on the verge of escaping. No matter what the difficulties or consequences. Stir crazy!

             Of course it was impossible for me to sit quiet and be well behaved all week. I escape at every opportunity. I persuaded my son to take me for a coffee, very difficult, silly of me and stressful for him as it was too soon. The only mans of transport his motor bike, yes that was fun but not very adult of me. Worse, one night I tempted him to go the local open air bar, where I could see people pass and we drank a local alcohol, kyperinha, full of fresh limes. Of course, I was in considerably more pain afterwards, for not resting my foot, or keeping it elevated. Plus the hour of alcohol didn't help my pain medication at all....I slept little that night. I even went for a drive with my daughter in law when she went to the supermarket. I sat and sweltered in the car, as she shopped, crazy hey, the lengths I will go to in escaping. Yes, that's me, loony tunes. I think I make them laugh, but it can't be easy having me for a guest.

           As I write this, I am sitting looking longingly at the gates, wishing I was elsewhere on the other side of them. Even though I'm not sitting in a bad place. But it's now a week, I was convinced I would be running around again after three days. But here I still am, barely any better at getting about, champing at the bit to be gone. The bruises are coming out, under my instep, up the side of my foot to my ankle and around all my toes. But it's got me thinking.....you know, about how much we take for granted. About how grateful we should be every day for what we have. What I have is only temporary, even if it's slower healing than I would like. I am very grateful it's not permanent. My heart goes out to those with disabilities, or permanent illness.

        Of course, as we age we notice and realise how our body, our energy levels are changing. You must take more care of your diet, of your fitness levels, if you want to maintain what you have, or improve at all. I don't know anyone who is looking forward to being old. Nearly everyone is trying to eat right, keep active, keep mentally active. As for me, I like trying new things, even if it's only meeting new people or trying new dishes. Convinced an active mind, keeps you young, although perhaps I am just nosy. I do believe you must not sit down and fester! Well of course, being in a new country, I must meet new people and try new food. Yes, i know I have natural advantages there.

          In the meantime, I intent to give more thanks every day for being able to walk, being able to stand, for not being in pain or confined to the house. For many people, these restriction are an everyday trial, often an unchanging one. We should also give thanks for our sight, our hearing, our strength.....even our teeth and digestion. In addition, we should be grateful for our friends, our family, our food and our shelter. In my case, for space of my own and people who care about how I'm coping. Give thanks for the mundane, which aren't mundane at all. For the sunshine, the rain, for the flowers, our pets, the birds that sing in the morning. We should notice all of these things and much more. 

        Remembering too, that the more we give thanks to the Universe, the more good things are drawn towards us. It's all to do with energy, giving out the right vibrations, draws more of the same towards you. I don't why, or how I drew this injury to me...sometimes shit just happens. All I can do, is deal with it and not let it ruin my world, my enthusiasm. So, appreciate your health, even if you can only find one small thing good, give thanks for every small aspect of your life...every day. Do let me know when you begin to see an increase in nice things coming into your world.......as they surely will. In the meantime, I am giving thanks for having such an active brian and someone to collude with when I want to break out......my son.

           

              

CARNIVAL....Bahian style

         Now the annual carnival is over, it's time to reflect.  I have not been lucky enough to see them all, not even the major towns..... but I loved it. I understand throughout Bahia, a mainly coastal region here in Brasil, there are many towns hosting their own version of Carnival. Each one choosing their individual start and finish date, over the course of some three weeks in January/February. The night I wrote this, we apparently had 24,000+ people here in Arraial d'Ajuda, a relativly small place. It was roughly in the midst of the Carnival here, but still, many more people visiting than I thought. 

        This is a place people from all over Brasil and the world come to find a laid back, relaxed holiday area. Although I think a great many of that crowd came primarily to see this noisy, happy and colourful annual celebration, to be a part of the festive side of it all. Indeed, most of it is held at such a volume, how could you be unaware of it. I like the noise and bustle of Brasil, I like its brashness, but there were nights over the course of those few days and nights, when even I have regretted the fact I had no cotton wool or earplugs handy. The partying can go in u til early in the morning.  Even loving the music and life as I do, it can get very loud. It's my feeling that even with such aids, I could easily have been deafened. Especially at those times there was a DJ instead of a live band. They seem to believe that the louder they are, the better it makes them, but the majority of the oepeople loved it all. DJ music can be so loud, it literally vibrates your heart...a bit scary I thought. I wasn't sure if it might increase my circulation, or stop my heart altogether. 

         I guess I'm a music Virgin as far as outside music venues of this kind go. But that's Brasil, if you want the same sort of music venue you find at home, especially in Europe, you won't find it here. Come to Brasil if you're young at heart, or if you want something different. Or, if you're jaded and want to feel enervated, stirred back to life. Enjoy the music on the beaches, along the sea front and around the town. Everywhere you smile, you'll have two back. Don't miss the carnival, take care of your hearing, your sleep and your belongings,  but experience it. Most of the people are having so much fun, the atmosphere so great, you can't help but enjoy it too. 

        One of the more religious ceremonies. Floating this boat on the sea to bring good luck.

       But, as my first full Carnival, I have enjoyed it immensely. As well as been amused at some of the 'way out' characters taking part. You have to admire the musicality of the bands, along with how much hard work it's taken to get to that point. The bands and dancers practice for months, the costumes can take all year to make. Especially, in bigger Rio de Janeiro, where it's almost an industry...but also a labour of love. Then there are the variety of costumes, or is the briefness of them, little scraps of this and that and lots of smooth flesh. Drums pounding everywhere, with the choreography, and great imagination of the dance encouraging us all to participate. Or, even if like me, just to have fun as a spectator .  Possibly you may have seen the tv programs, showing how a whole year of work goes into the many exceptional costumes especially, as well as the music and dancing.

                   One of the dancing, drumming groups this year...paulinas, was excellent.

           Of course the people all dance here. It's as if they grew up knowing how to dance. Even as they stroll by, taking the evening air, if they hear music, they can't help but shake their stuff...I love to see it. To see the ordinary looking parents, with a child, or having put on some weight, suddenly clasping their partner and breaking into a sexy dance. Often the child will try his own version, right in the street, it's normal. Even my little grandson gives a pretty good impression of a bump and grind routine, wearing a big grin. At seven years old he can really shake his maraccas, without any embarrassment. Yes, some of the small children who take part are really amazing, no one minds if they are clearly learning, no pressure on them at all. They like children in Brasil, I don't see any child being slapped or shouted at around the supermarket, in fact they don't go to the supermarket.  You don't see snarling, stressed out parents as I have seen in London. Perhaps the children are left a little too free to wander here, but it's how it used to be when I was young...children wander off, exploring, discovering, making good childhood memories.....oh that the world was still like that.

        Overall it's laid back in Bahia, the place to take it easy, to relax. With the coast line of beautiful beaches, blue tranquil seas, scattered with beach bars and restaurants. Yes, it's also noisy, colourful and full of fun.... so, what's not to like. If you get the chance come visit and enjoy the Carnival days for yourself. I guarantee if you do, you will be backs again. It's joyful and quite addictive.

          

        

Paradise Island...Arraial d Ajuda. (Written for ArraialBahai.com)

        Arraial d Ajuda, Porto Seguro and Trancoso sit close together on a wonderful stretch of coastline in Biaha, Brasil, South America. In recent years this small stretch of coast has become something of a hideaway for the stars. Many of whom have either bought property here themselves, or relatives own some secluded place. Be it a simple or a grand hideaway. The area holds many family attractions like the Water Park, the Ecological Park both on Arraial. Or you can visit one of the first churches built in Brasil, named after one of Christopher Columbus ships, Our Lady of Healing. There are only three such in Brasil, all built in the mid 5000's.  Although its greatest attraction being the natural wonders, of the sea, sand and sun. In addition you can discover real Brasil, with friendly people and laid back lifestyles. Just the place to get away from it all and relax. A fact many well known names have noted and taken advantage of.

          Arraial as its called locally, looks and acts as an island. It's location lies across the river that flows around Porto Seguro. From that harbour, there is a flourishing ferry service that runs day and night. This carries vehicles and foot passengers. Whilst another ferry next to these, carries only pedestrians. As its not strictly an island, but a peninsular, it can be reached by road, but not easily even now. As roads in many parts of Brasil can be somewhat neglected, the favourite method seems to be by ferry (or 'balsa' as its called in Portugese) Portugese, actually Brasilian Portugese being the official language of Brasil. Being a Latin based language many words are similar to English, Italian or Spanish.

           Why come to Arraial? The better question might be, why not. The beaches from the Balsa onwards are spectacular, as is the sea. You can find the ideal stretch of sand and sea to suit yourself easily. Whether it be a busy beach with a bustling restaurant, seating and lounging provided. Alternatively, perhaps a simple stretch of beach, overlooking a few regularly used fishing boats. Or, anything in between as the sun graces them all and the sea is good bathing. Many of the beaches being gently shelving, it's safe too. A good stretch of the coast under Arraial has a rocky outcrop of reef a few meters from shore, which makes a magic, sun warmed stretch of water in which to cool off. Although, if you can tear yourself away from a cool beer, water, or food long enough, the swimming for the more adventurous is great too. Various water sports are on offer as you stroll the length of the beach. Then, the walking is enjoyable with always somewhere new on the horizon.

          Within the town, everything you want can be found. Hotels, Pousada (B+ B) both larger and more intimate. These begin from the time to get off the balsa and continue right around the pretty little town at the top of the Astarada la Balsa. The town offers the usual bars, supermarkets or speciality shops. From the big church and restful garden square, down the 'Broadway' you will find clothing, perfumes, soaps, mystic, chemists and eating places of all kinds. In the second square at the end of Broadway lies a small original cemetery, now surrounded by all the nightly bustle of stalls (or bahacas )which is Brasil. It's the place to sit in the evening and watch the world go by. Turning left up Rua Mucage you will find a world of delights. Small cafes and larger restaurants of all kinds. Many more Pousadas, tucked away overlooking the drop to the sea. As well as boutique shops, property shop, furniture, vehicle hire, night clubs, and everything else you might wish to see.

           

My Global world of friends...

         Being in a new country for only a short time, means I'm also a bit short on friends..it takes time to grow a friend, a good friend that is. Some new friends come and go, someone you think will, become close, it just doesn't happen. Sometimes, like recently, it all becomes a bit strange, because all the right signs were there...yet they back off. You can only accept it, although I can't say I understand it. You know what they say, 'nowt as queer as folks' well that's what they say in north of England anyway. I always try to be reliable, stick to my word, do the best I can, I can only assume everyone dies the same. I can see that plans to go out with a new friend sometimes fall through. Other people you meet already have their routines, their own circle. It just takes time for you to find your place and with your own circle of friends. Worsened in Brasil, because as yet, I don't speak the language well enough to communicate to anyone other than people who already speak English. Really, you just have to do your own thing, and wait and see what happens. See who you come in contact with. Always automatically gauging how you feel about people you meet, as they must do you.

          I have friends all over the world. In fact everywhere I have lived for a time produces friends. My most recent long term sojourn was New Zealand, so I have many good and loyal friends there.  My very best friend lives there, whom I love dearly. A spell back in England bought me no new friends, except for a few I had not the good health or time to grow into anything other than aquaintences. It's always quite easy making people to talk to, say hi to isn't it. I nevertheless have old friends scattered around the English countryside. Mostly from when I was working, it's the easiest way to make friends for sure, I even have a couple from schooldays, although, always a bit of a rolling stone...(without the music.tra laa), I gathered little moss...or friends 'en route in those early years. Except for growing a family of course.' 

         I once had quite a lot from Australia too and a few close friends in America, but that was before the days of Facebook and the Internet becoming so universally easy. It was far too easy to lose contact with people back then. Especially as often, I am not the only one moving around. I regret everyone I lost touch with over the many years. Of course,  you do tend to meet more people like yourself, so I have found. Those who are on the move constantly, so, a double whammy of a problem to overcome. Some of those people now live elsewhere in Brasil, some in Greece, even Germany and other parts of Europe. Not that it stops you making a few really good and real friends who endure over the years. My good friend who I went to school with has lived in her current house throughout her children's growing up years, maybe longer. Now that's something I cannot imagine. Who's to say who's right, or if there actually is a right way to live. Horses for courses, I always say.

          I'm not worried about now, although I guess because of the language thing, it's taking longer than normal. I know it will happen, especially once I become more fluent in the language. In fact, I always said the most exciting thing about travel was that you know you will meet people who well might become good friends. There is always an exciting big electrical charge, of a friend to discover. But then I am a bit of a romantic. It's actually quite exciting...which means that patient and relaxed I will be, I know it can change in a flash, you can make an immediate connection with someone, or two and then you're away. 

          In the meantime, I am lucky I have some family here too. English family, as well as some extended Brasilain family. So I'm not altogether isolated..oh no, my situation is fortunate. I actually already know lots of people as the English speakers pounce on each other. Which is always nice. I have also been visited this part of the world for many years so I know a few people from those times too. As I walk around, I get to greet, or sit with quite a few aquaintences, or better yet, family. Happy days I tell myself. In the meantime, I love my house, I love its location and I can walk easily to several nice places to spend some enjoyable time. Or, go to the beach...or, sit to watch the world go by, write, read, chat whatever. Lucky, lucky me, all in the sunshine, amongst bouncing happy music and happy people.

          Viva Brasil...and the rest of the world it's all wonderful. To one particular man I knew well for a few months...get travelling, time you were not in Floranopolis. Your World awaits......

      

           

Crazy...how will you die??

      I just did one of those crazy on line...how will you.....tests. This one was how, and when will you die. I don't normally do anything so negative. Why worry about something you are unlikely to be able to change. Also, why put any energy into the possible date of your own death....what if the results came up next year? What then, you might believe it, drive yourself crazy, or everyone else. Well, I maintain I'm already at least slightly crazy....I'm English after all. The world knows we are all a bit 'shot away' as the saying goes. I suppose I did it because a Facebook Friend published his result, complete with engraved gravestone.  His cause of death was 'shot in Times Square'. Hey that's cool, I thought, what would mine be. It might be something equally outrageous.

     So off I went, following the links.... According to that I'm going to live to be a hundred years old, much longer than the Facebook friend....RESULT! I thought. Then, apparently I die by falling down a manhole, an open one I presume......My first thought was, well at least I'm still getting about, and pretty rapidly to not notice a open manhole. A manhole...well of course, if I was rude, I could put connotations on that answer as well. What sort of manhole exactly? Am I still getting up to naughty tricks at a hundred ? So, it's lucky I am a very proper lady...being English, naturally I would be. Ah, I won't go on about our reputation, as always, it precedes us, like a bit of a bad smell. There goes that manhole reference again. When you think about it, it's not a very savoury way to die is it. What's down there, is it the coal hole, the drains, the sewer.. Ewwwww, doesn't bear thinking about does it. How quickly am I found, do I fester down there for days? Mmmmm, I knew I should not have tempted fate by being curious.

          I suppose at the very least, I can take more care where I step once I reach a hundred. Do you think I can avoid it? Ahh see, I am already trying to find a way around my predicted demise. You know, that's what living is all about isn't it. Never mind the dying bit, first you have to live!  Living well, making the most of life, is not giving in, not giving up. If something knocks you down, spring back up...say ' it doesn't hurt', or, 'I'm fine' or, by trying to improve your odds. I call it 'being positive', or 'positive thinking'. Using the power of the mind to create your own reality. In other words, if you can dream it, you can achieve it. Yes, I know, I bang on about it all the time. But hey, if it works..which it does...why knock it.

         I suppose I'm in a bit of a whimsical mood today. Even before the test, I was away with the fairies. All in all, not a bad place to be. With the faries that is. I had a lovely dream about faries once, not so long ago. I could see exactly how big they were, hear them and see their marvellous colours. I still remember it vividly. One day it will come out in a story, as these things always do. Yes, that's another reason I was in a strange mood today, I was looking at the general numerology reading for next year. It's quite fascinating. 2015 is an eight year, so being a shape that is also the shape of the symbol for infinity, it is quite a special one. Last year has a bearing on this year of course. It appears we were all having to re evaluate our lives, or aims, or dreams in some way last year. Letting go of things, or ideas, or ideals that no longer worked for us. Some things just stopped working, or fell down about our ears. It is true that many people I know made big jumps in new directions last year. Myself included. It was as if, I had gone as far as I could possibly go in a situation. I just had to let it go, stop holding it up really and begin again. Even though I had little idea at the time if that was smart, or stupid.

          Although since those rather drastic type of decisions and quandaries, it's not been plain sailing. Over the Christmas and New Year period, life, for many people has been a mess and a muddle. Making little or no progress. With confusions, set backs, uncertainties and the like. The numerology review says all of that was necessary for us to let go of misdirections, or wrong directions. So that this year, we can be ready to move forward with interests and directions that are right for us. We should overall,  let go of all things which we do not love doing. If it doesn't make you happy, don't do it. Or, at least stop putting all your energy into it.  Of course that's a simplification, it does mean you should let go of the things which are destroying you, bit by bit. Aim for being involved in your passions, you should have some idea by now what those are. Be creative, use your creativity in some way,as through this the universe can speak to you. So, be aware of what your instinct continues to tell you about where to put your energy and effort next year. It's not a year for struggling alone, join clubs, real ones, not just on line. Make partnerships, alliances, go out, meet people, share effort, or share ideas or interests. Put up the energy, the thought for what you want in your life. Great achievements can be made this year.

         Which, if you think about it, is almost the same as the positive thinking I spoke of before. Of creating your own reality, in your mind, or on paper first, before in actuality. Fate, the Universe, will give you the right push forward this year. Don't waste it by going on with outdated, unloved directions or interests. Opportunities can be wasted, as well as taken. Don't waste this year, be brave, work hard and see how much your life will change this year. Let's all make sure it's for the better, with more love, more fun, more satisfaction and more security all around.

          

        

Living in Paradise...

       At the best of times it is, at the worst of times...well, who cares, It's PARADISE regardless. The sun shines, it's like being constantly on holiday. Except you have had time to find the best places for coffee, the best prices for shopping the good restaurants, nicest beaches and so on. So, every day, you take your time rising, having breakfast, opening the house to the frest air and the sun. Do whatever chores you want to do, then off you go in any direction you choose. You organise your day exactly how you like it best. About the worst that can happen, is that you get too hot, or have to carry some shopping home. Although deliveries are free here, so it need not be a problem at all.

        You fancy the beach? There are half a dozen within a comfortable walk. Each one served by chairs, table, waiters, sun shades and all the food and drink you fancy. Or, you can use one not so popular, miles of sand and sea, deserted, except for a little fishing boat or two bobbing in the water. Maybe take your bicycle, or a taxi if you don't fancy walking. Coffee shops are everywhere. Little local places with character, smart modern places with impressive patisserie, or nice, clean little bakeries or posadas( bed and breakfast places). You can find anything from hot savouries to full meals. Go sit in the little park by the church, or head down the hill to take the ferry to the bigger part of town, five minutes away. Or, get your groceries shopping done, have it delivered later. Or there are gyms, little bits of markets....or enjoy a massage , facial or manicure. All so cheap, it's hard to resist and why should you, it's all there to enjoy.

         By then it's lunch time, very hot, so take a break and eat something. Self service is about best this time of the day. Rotisserie meats and every salad , or hot vegetable dish you can imagine. There is often a good breeze by then, so under a sunshade is comfortable and enjoyable. All food at lunchtime at very cheap prices. If you go over on the ferry you can indulge in wonderful sushi, sold by weight. I must say, the sushi and sashimi in Brasil is first class. I have no idea why, as I have yet to see an Asian visitor or local. Take a leisurely lunch, as the sun has mostly gone by the beach by four. It gets light early here..and dark early too.

          But that's all to the good, because with the night comes the bars, the lights, the music.  All the noisy exuberance that is Brasil, vibrates and shimmies along wherever you walk. If you decide to walk up Mucage street, the Main Street leading to the beach, it's full of lovely little boutique type shops. Nights are when they open, so browse and buy to your hearts content. Clothes, shoes, gifts, even a few pretty household bits. The rest of the places are either bars, or restaurants. Your only problem is deciding where you would like to sit, and what you would like to eat.

          Even just walking the street is exciting. Everywhere you go there is music.The only thing you won't have is peace and quiet. But that's why you relax day times. Every few steps is a new display of drumming, dancing, acrobats, or capoeira, the unique BrasilIn acrobatic martial art skill. The larger streets are mostly pedestrian, the people you see are colourful. A few more clothes are worn at night, unlike the day when beach wear is the norm. I have never seen so much smooth skin in my life. Many couples are ready to break into a dance themselves when passing music they like.  The Brasilians were born dancing, to them, it's as normal as talking. The fun goes on until the early hours.

           So, overall, that's Biaha, Brasil. Or, more particularly Arraial d Ajuda. The little peninsular that thinks it's an island. It's quite unique, its crowded, noisy, busy, interesting and above all,  colourful and vibrant. Sometimes annoying if you have things to do in a hurry, because thats unlikely to happen. But really..it's a reasonably small thing to put up with for the joy of living in Paradise. For PARADISE is what it is. Yes, it will quiet down again, once the summer season has passed, and Carnival is over. The energy and character remain, there is just more room for cars, people, and more time for enjoying all there is here.

           I actually did quite a few of those things today, and saw most of those things too. I thought you might like a little taste of my life as I know it......because I'm going to bed now, because tomorrow is another day of making tough decision about how best to spend my day. Happy days everyone.

Once I loved a sparrow....

        Yes, it's true...it was the best bird I ever had. Just a humble, small common, brown sparrow. There are millions of them, wild birds who are not coveted for their beauty, song or plumage. They are common to many countries, just ordinary little brown birds...who survive as best they can. It will be sparrows you see living inside cafes, or shopping centres. They are always the ones who somehow find a way to survive inside those large public spaces. Anywhere where food can be found, they will be found. Cheeky birds, survivors, but so common they are barely noticed amongst the larger bird populations...

         Not noticed by most people I must add, but I will never be like that after my experience with a sparrow.

         Overall, birds are wonderful things, what's not to like. They sing happily every morning, they never have a bad day...never start without a happy song at dawn. They go about their business of trying to survive and to bring up the next generation safely. Of course all birds sing at dawn, as far as I know. Once they wake, at whatever time the sun comes up, off they go, tweet, tweet, trilling a lively song to the skies. They are the eternal optimist, the bird population. Life is hard, survival rests on their daily ability to find food. They are so small, that a day without food would be the end of many of them. The original hunters and gatherers of nature. Every second of their small lives is spent searching for food just to survive.

                            A common Brasilan bird

            Man has always kept birds as pets, in various types and sizes of cages. We think nothing of caging them, taking their freedom do we. In some countries they are kept for their beautiful song, in others for their appearance. In many cultures and eras, larger hunting birds were used as sport, to bring down edible game birds. They were strictly classified, with the swiftest, largest hunters allowed only for the use of the gentry. So clearly a status symbol in those times. I never knew those types of birds, but I do know birds. I grew up with birds, as my Father kept cage birds both in the house and the garden. He kept canaries and budgerigars, I think he must have bred them, I wasn't involved in that outside area at all. My Father loved all animals, especially birds and dogs. He couldn't resist a dog, he loved them, not to walk or take care of, but just for the company. Why, I remember as a very small child, sharing a pram with a dog, a black lab puppy. Mick was a big part of my childhood, he never missed an adventure with me, that dog. He was irreplaceable as far as I was concerned.

            But birds, it was many, many years later,  I decided to keep birds too. My father used to talk us through how to gentle the house birds on to your hand, or teach them to talk. Although I was never allowed to feed, them, or  care for the big aviary of chattering, squabbling birds outside. Experimentally, at first I bought one, a budgie, I like the torquise colour. Then a few weeks later I bought another, a pale grey. For company for the first. Soon I bought a big, spacious cage, bigger than me. It had wheels so I could wheel them in and out of the house, I wanted them to have the best life, the most space. My birds were going to be the tamest, the best condition, the least stressed. Then, I decided to breed a few, like my Father before me. Do you think it's in the blood?

            I had three couples, all different colours, all unusual. As being an artist, I began experimenting with colour mixes, to see what would dominate in terms of genes, of hue. I bred them for about a year, eighteen months, sold off the babies as they became big enough. Some wonderful colours were created, two of the most unusual I kept for breeding. I learnt a lot about birds during that time. Stories for another blog. Then one day a visiting grandson, who I allowed to feed them, failed to latch the cage. Perhaps that's why I was never allowed access to my Fathers cages. By the time anyone noticed, the birds were all gone. I was heartbroken, I loved every one of them. I knew their ancestry, their characters, they were my babies, I watched them grow. But they were gone, it was no good berating my grandson, who already felt bad enough. The decision had been mine, after all.

            Yet he was also the one who found my sparrow, so he, and fate repaid me in some small way. 'Butcher' birds, in New Zealand, where I was living then, are a little like cuckoos, but kill deliberately too. They tip eggs or babies out of nest, basically worse, as they are also canibals. We knew what was happening, after finding several bald, dead baby birds about the outside of the house. Spring time is feast time for them, horrid but true. Then my grandson found one bald lump which he insisted was still alive, well maybe, but barely. "I know how to look after it" he said. What choice did I have, despite not wanting another bird, there it was, bald, ugly and helpless. So, we found a little basket, lined it with soft material and set it on the low heat radiator. I already had baby bird feeding formula, as sometimes a baby is rejected by its parents. We found an eye dropper, mixed the formula runny and commenced feeding, once an hour. Of course my grandson was not up to night feeding, although he was pretty good for the first few days. Only eight then, so to be expected.

           Of course you know who did the brunt of the feeds and care.....me. But, what turned out to be sparrow, thrived. His fat transparent, black belly, grew stubby feather, and then his eyes opened as gradually he became a little man. Of course he thought I was his Mother, his mouth open and ready whenever I was around. But that took a few weeks of little sleep and gradually, worm digging too. By them he had his own little cage, with the door open. I wanted him to have as much freedom as possible and he seemed quite happy with the arrangement. He liked to be free in the room. He liked to fly around and I wanted him strong for when Ireleased him back to the wild. He was a wild bird, I didn't want him caged.

          One day, I thought this is it, soon he will be too tame. I took him outside, on my hand. But all he did was look around, without much curiosity. I was weeding the garden, so I sat him on a nearby tree and waited for him to fly off. Several hours later, he was still there. As night drew in, I decided I could not leave him without food or water, and took him back in. I tried for several days after that, setting him outside, waiting for him to take off. One day, he came and helped me dig...worms and insects I thought, that's good. Then he sat on my shoulder and there he stayed as I worked about the garden.

            By then he was fully grown and quite a character. He loved me, but not my partner. If he came to sit by me on the couch he would hop from my shoulder to his and bite and peck his ears, quite viciously. Jealous I decided, trying to make him move away perhaps, no one was sitting by his woman. No matter how we tried to encourage him to be friendly to him, he would not. He did not like him, only me, he wanted nothing to do with him and that was that. He would attack him for hours if he sat there.

         Life went on through the summer, he had the freedom of the living room and the outside patio and gardens, but he never lost sight of me. Once I found him huddled in his cage, he had a chest infection the vet said, but he recovered. Again, I tried to free him, but he was not interested in going anywhere. He lived there, like that for quite a while. Attacking my partner, happy being by me..I loved that little bird, he made me laugh a dozen ways. He had his own little routine and ways.

          I don't know how long sparrows live, he was never very big. No, even for a sparrow he was small. I don't exactly know how long I had him, it seems a long time. He was happy, I was happy, my partner ...not so much. But one day, when I got up, he was just dead in the bottom of his cage..with the door open. My little friend, my buddy, my very unusual, out of the ordinary sparrow. Now, I remember him with love, in fact I shall never forget him. He was loyal to me always, which it later turned out my partner never was. I think of it often, I bet that little wild creature knew what I did not. He knew that man was no good for me, if only he could have talked.... But he was only a common little hedge sparrow.......but he was mine and a prince amongst birds. Since that time, many years ago now, I have never kept another bird....what could compare. 

           Enjoy the birds around you, they are smarter than you think. Even the most plain and ordinary have special abilities....just like my little New Zealand sparrow.