Freewheeling through the Universe....

        Now, my beliefs are well known by you all by now. It's the certain knowledge that a positive outlook is the only one worth it's salt, and the process of creating your own reality has to be ongoing, no matter what. These two, are linked, yet separate entities, or belief systems. Neither one is easy to maintain, nor are the results always easy, or obvious. Life, that hoary old chestnut that has us in its clutches, despite our best efforts or intentions, can be messy, frustrating and definitely exhausting.

         Yes, it's hard to keep upbeat when your life force is low either through illness, or daily trails and tribulations. Worse, is when you battle both together....a situation I found myself in during the last three months or more. Every time I got knocked down, I forced myself back up on my feet. Every time I took a direct hit from fate, luck, call it what you will, I mentally and emotionally reversed it. Every time another aspect of ill health knocked me off my feet, I swayed with the punches, determined to overcome, to bounce back. Even those times it had me in its jaws, or pressed under it, its knee on my throat as I struggled. Throughout, I maintained and built on my vision of the perfect life for me. One where I was in the best position both financially and physically. Not only to enjoy a good life for myself, but where I could best help my loved ones and wider humanity. My greatest wish, to be a  philanthropist.

         All extremely noble ideal, yet maybe also a little selfish in wanting a life free of the financial , and health pressures so prevalent in my daily life of recent years. For those of us reaching into the third age, with some trepidation. Dealing with ageing and the pressures that come along with it, are often daunting. I can add to that, frightening and exhausting. Like many, I have given my youth to bringing up my children, to making a living as a solo mother who now has few resources of any kind to fall back on. My main joy is that my children are well and healthy. The rest cannot be helped, or changed, only dealt with. They are, nevertheless pressures to be dealt with, either by turning them around, or by building on them as best I may. Using the Universe and it's unlimited largesse....I maintain, to create my own version of Utopia.

          Of course I can only truly speak for myself, for my own experiences. Yet I am a sensitive, and an observer of human behaviour from way back. Both in cataloging my own feelings and observing those of the wider society around me. I have a background in Education, Philosophy and the spiritual/psychic levels of awareness influencing our awareness. A  prolific reader, as well a people watcher, I note both writers and society at large trying to come to terms with the changes in the physical aspects of ageing, as well as how we are perceived in society at large.

           There is a saying, "you don't know what you have till it's gone!". Why, there are even many songs about it. I find unhappily, it's only too true. I never realised I was perhaps, attractive. Or, how the opposite sex reacted to, and treated me.....until they stopped doing so. It was like suddenly becoming invisible, it really took a while to get my head around. I could speak, without being heard. I could pass through a room without notice. Well, that's not the end of the world, it also has it's advantages. Yet it required a lot of adjustment, generated an experience of having had a good slap in the face, undeserved. However, now that I am ageing even more, the face I see before me is no longer recognised. To the extent I say, "who is that woman always following me?". Worse of course, is the other physical changes, the lack of energy, much of it through ill health which dogs me periodically. However, off I go on a tangent as usual, at least the mental facilities are no worse than most..... The mind keeps leapfrogging around, lucky me.

           Underlying all of these ruminations, is the fact that despite all of the above, I have struggled with continuing within my belief system. That ideal of positive thought, creating you own reality and related thought systems. The very things I have written about so much. All blasted, unrecognisable for long periods of time. Never mind, do not despair, all is not lost. Nothing is ever lost, as I said, if you're knocked down, get up. If you're lacking in energy, or good health, begin visualising better again. This freewheeling through the Universe does not have to continue indefinitely. Cannot be allowed to continue any longer. 

            So......I begin again, to visualise, to speak the positive pictures already established deep in my psyche. I reiterate "I AM! I AM healthy...

                                       I AM energetic.....

                                       I AM an entrepreneur......

                                       I AM Safe and happy......

                                       I AM abundance of all good things.......

             In fact, I AM anything and everything my heart and soul desires.....there is not reason why not.

             There my friends you have it...no more freewheeling through the Universe. Self help really does begin with self, for only then can it grow and spread through everyone close to you. It's exactly as they say on the Flight information informercials.....before helping others, ensure your oxygen supply is fitted first. For if you cannot breathe, or operate, your ability to help anyone...is nill.

             Have a good day out there, and enjoy every opportunity and every minute of your life.

     

         

Friends, true friends

        During your lifetime, if you have a few good, true friends, you are lucky. I have very few, but those that are, stand by me throughout everything. Nor does it matter how far away you are from them, or how long it is between visits. The bond remains unbroken. I know I can tell them anything without it going further, trusting that any advice they give, is given through love. My good friends are precious. They are the cement on which my past and future is built. The backbone, the strength I need, when mine lies shattered in the dust. They are the grown up people I play with, given half a chance, share with, laugh with and yes, cry with at sad times.

         Yes, of course it's trust that is at the centre of this. Without being able to trust a person...what do you have....nothing. That's why a man, or the woman you love, your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend  whatever has to be trustworthy too. Isn't a good partnership liking as well as loving. Being able to rely on each other. Well, thats my take on it anyway.  Perhaps I ask too much. Perhaps it's why I have spent more alone, than in a partnership. Perhaps I ask too much. But it seems to me that without being able to trust a partner like a good friend, it is a waste of time. But, I suppose I am diverting slightly from the path here. I was talking friends, not a relationship/ love story. It's just that trust is the key to all relationships.

        As for my real friends, I don't rely on them to provide things I can't, it's not like that.  I don't ask, or expect them to help get me out of trouble, nor to loan me money, never! Nor to take over the responsibilty of my life, or family. No, it's far more than that. They give me love, unconditional love. They offer emotional support of the best kind. The best thing I could wish for anyone I love, is such friends as I have.  O.K. Sometimes they do give you practical help, and that is a bonus. We are only as strong as we are within ourselves.

         Two friends, I have had since my schooldays. One girl since primary school, one since Secondary school, at twelve. If you count up the days we spent in each other's company, they are few. But I could contact either tomorrow and say can we meet, and they would move heaven and earth to do so. They would, and have found time for me over the years. Time to let me visit, let me into their lives, welcomed me to share whatever situation they are in. The primary school friend, pops up, in contact every few years. Somehow it happens, which is miraculous as I have moved and changed countries, so many times. Even now when she is the sole career for her husband, and we are the length of the country away, I hear from her. In the midst of her busy, and demanding day, she sends me jokes. My other dear school friend, has a busy life too, husband, children, and a big family who rely on her. Often with troubles of all sorts, but we communicate, we can tell each other anything. Knowing it will go no further. I value that, the fact that I can trust her absolutely.

         I have a few others, one from new. Zealand. Who is there for me always. In person if we are on the same continent. Or by email or other means, if she is not. There have been times when she has saved my life. Just through being there for me. By listening or understanding. I hope I have been the same for her, There are a couple of new friends too, who I value already. The fact is exciting, and time will tell if they are the real deal or not. I suppose I just wanted to say, don't be afraid if your whole life is set to change. It's not that you are leaving your only good friends. Because they will remain your best friends in a different way, for ever. You can pick up where you left off at any point.

          No, the exciting thing is, you can rest assured that there will be other best friends in whatever place you happen to be. Of course, me being spiritual, I believe that you have many Karmic attachments to explore. So no matter where you are, connections will appear. So, be positive about who comes into your life, and follow your instinct. We all have that instinct for good opportunities, or times we know to avoid someone, or something. The more you use it, the stronger you become. The stronger it, the instinct becomes. If on those occasions no one appears, I can guarantee I'm in the wrong place. If only I was always so fast at changing it. But sometimes,we let fear and habit control us too much.

           Ah well, my friends...each one of you an embryonic good friend, thanks for listening. I only hope someone out there found these images of mine interesting or helpful. I know there have been times, when they would have helped me in the past. So enjoy your friends, have fun together. Tell them what they mean to you..and most of all, listen to them.

Happy days chaps...

          

Life, in all it's glory

        Sometimes, you feel your mortality more than others. I think the time when your Mother is coming to the end of her life, is one of those times. I have reached such a spot. It's quite strange, these things seldom effect you as you think. I thought I was ready for it, strong and fatalistic enough to know its for the best. The best for her, I mean, that it's her time. It comes to us all, perhaps that's where the sudden feelings of mortality comes in, as I'm next in line. Of course it is inevitable, apart from the possibility of her turning back the clock and having her old energy and life back, it is for the best. We all know that....don't we?

         Over recent years I have seen so many go. All of my old aunties, and uncles, except one, have gone. Leaving me with an abundance of mainly happy memories of the years before. When I, and they, were young. Memories of my maternal Grandparents old country house, with the stream running around part of it. A place that drew all of our large family back to it constantly. To the big Sunday gatherings, the Victorian Polished table seating 20 comfortable, and usually many more. Its top groaning with good farm grown, home cooked food, as in 'Last of the Summer Wine'. Year after year of Summer afternoons spent flying kites, and model airplanes in the meadow behind the house, beyond the old Oak tree. Or playing cricket, in the days when I understood the rules. Sometimes my brother and I, trying to float rafts on the pond. Or playing cards during winter nights, a penny in, a penny on.... gambling at its best. The old uncles sitting next to kids like me, who assumed I was as smart as they. Ahh utopia, except perhaps for my Grandmother organising and preparing everything without benifit of modern gas, electric or even running water.

        That life disappeared once they were gone, as happens with every generation I suppose. As it will with this latest link in the chain. My grandparents went many years ago, my dearly loved grandmother at close to a hundred, after living a further thirty five years longer than her husband. A wonderful woman, always without complaint, and always there. In the way that women were in those days, when their life was the family and the kitchen. I know it was a place I loved to be, especially having been born there, in her house. I never doubted I belonged. She fed me, made a refuge of her place for me, most importantly, she was always there. Where else would she be? Ahh the selfishness of children. 

        I still remember everything, I still think of her. Unflappable, calm, solid and reliable, with the softest skin. Not surprising as I spent the majority of my formative years living with her. I could go on about her for hours, but this is about my Mother. Or, perhaps not, it's about the generations, how we come and go. How her time to leave is here, and mine is inexorably moving one step closer. That's the bit that caught me out, me, even considering the next step. Perhaps it's because I see her in a state where things are getting out of control. With the sudden rapid degeneration of her mind and body dictating changes no one is ready for. Can you ever be ready? It's so out of my control too. Especially with me over in England, and she in New Zealand. Decisions I can help with, practicalities hardly at all, except to support my brother and his family as best I can.

         We thought she was on her last legs nine/ten months ago. I rushed over there, thinking 'this is it', then of course it wasn't. Miraculously, she recovered, bouncing back to better health than before. With great relief we all celebrated her 90th birthday, which really, she did not enjoy. It left us all feeling rather deflated, but at least we tried. Not that she was ever much for celebrations, or parties I suppose. My Father went at not much over seventy, nearly 20 years ago, come August. I think about him almost daily, I know he is close, I feel him. Sometimes, feeling he is busy putting his old, favourite sayings in my mouth. It's quite funny, comforting, if I'm honest. To hear those familiar words popping out without thought. No doubt, I'll be the same with Mother. However, she being such a different character, it can't work in quite the same way. 

          My Mother lost any spiritual faith she had when my brother died at 47. A mere two years before my Father. I think the hardest thing for me is to know she believes there is nothing after death, only darkness. Faith is not something you can give someone, I wish I could. I wish I could convince her she will see her son again, it might help her let go. It could give her peace, some trust in what comes next. As come it must, whatever any of us feel about it. I don't want her to be afraid.

          So here we are, faced with the inevitable, the unplanable. I for one, am glad there is no euthanasia in this country. How would a family cope knowing their loved one had decided to leave them early. Had chooses  to cut short their time together. No matter how pure the motive behind it. At least we will all know it was 'her time', not something picked out of a hat. All we can hope is that we all act with as much dignity and love as we can. That she too can end her life as she wishes, in her own home, cared for.

            Tonight, my thoughts are with all of you out there, going through similar situations. As my thoughts are with my Mother, my younger brother and his family. I send you all love, strength and wisdom. May your God be with you, helping you, and us, through this difficult time.

             Peace and love to you all......

Hello out there

        What can I say, life knocked me down, but not dead yet! Maybe it beat me about a bit, gave me things I did not want to deal with, at the same time my health took a dive. Too many big decisions to make, alone, as it all too often is for me. I wonder why it always comes back to me......except, it IS my life, so what do I expect. I wouldn't take kindly to anyone else making these sorts of major decisions for me, would I. NO...definitely not.

         Never the less, I press on with creating my own reality. Who knows where I might be without that resolve, and daily programing during the past months. I am, and do welcome changes. I have been pressing for the best changes to come into my life. Looking back, I desired, and asked for amazingly big changes. How did I think I could get from where I was, to where I aim for, without major changes with almost every aspect of my life. As they say, 'you can't make omelettes without breaking eggs'. Here I am then, in the breaking eggs stage, determined not to lose them, or the opportunities.

         Everything is up in the air, I can see myself being alone soon, even though it will only be temporary. All I can do, is keep building up my own personal picture, my own personal reality. Trusting that the uncomfortable changes thrust too often upon me lately, will be for the best. Of course they will!

         I affirm,

         I AM HAPPY

         I AM HEALTHY

         I AM LOVED

         I AM ABUNDANCE

         I AM ENOUGH

         Good night my friends, my fellow travellers, love, laugh and appreciate what you have. Enjoy today, for tomorrow it will have changed.

           Blessings.